“What now..”




“What now..?” is a question I found myself asking again this time- Dec 14, 2019.

The first time I asked it, and mentioned it in my “Who Is” page was during the now ex-husband’s affair with his best friend’s wife, where they ended up eloping together. He moved half the contents of the resort out on a double-bed semi truck, to destinations unknown to me. He made the effort to deliberately not let me know any forwarding address.

Have to add this- humorous to me now but was an insult to me at the time: he left on Valentines Day. He had to be with her on this day so what can I say? Good guy, full of symbolism.

In the divorce papers served to me via EMAIL from the State of Maine, while I was in the Philippines, specifically stated that the Maine Court of Family Affairs approved of *email being the medium used to serve me my court documents- notice of divorce, summons to appear in court, etc.

Also stated in the papers was that this Maine court approved of his address being kept secret in the divorce files, meaning kept a secret from me. All of our married life we resided in California. Who knew I’d be divorced in a Maine Court? Why not in New York where his family home is, the place he grew up in? I knew the address there.

A- His lie of a support did not materialize. Before he left me he said he will deposit 30K Philippine Pesos in my bank account monthly for my sustenance. Did not happen even once. The resort as I called it- is not built yet to the licensing standard where it could accept guests. A kitchen is needed but still missing solely dedicated to guest needs.

B- The retirement savings account of $1.3M which I have a right to part of it being married 11 years, I got zero.

C- The house in Upland, California where we resided all our married life he sold for a big profit. It sold for 40K more than the appraised value which was already high, I got zero proceeds from. In fact- not only did I not get what I believe I’m entitled to, I LOST!  He gave away ALL my belongings, all accumulated personal belongings from two houses I used to own before this marriage. Not only my personal belongings but memorabilia for the kids that I had saved up for them to wait to receive until they are adults, namely the service for 8 china set that was older by 6 years than my daughter. It was also my first purchase from my first paycheck in the USA after migrating here, he gave away. All collectible books, posters from the kids’ theater and play appearances while in grade school, CDs of pictures of kids growing up, pictures of the kids in my backyard during the freak snow in Bakersfield a long time ago when they were little, pictures our pets in the backyard while playing w/ the kids on the slide I bought and set up, the kids’ elementary school graduation pictures, the kids’ high school graduation pictures, mine & kids’ complete collection of James Bond 007 movies, Clint Eastwood cowboy movies, complete set of Harry Potter Books the kids loved, all in this cabinet, cleaned out by the gardener according to him. Sashes and ribbons & bouquet my daughter collected, together with her long gown she wore on her High School Jr. Sr. Prom and she also wore as Veterans Day Parade Queen that same year, all cleaned out from a bedroom. While he was doing the cleaning of the house for the new owner I sent a picture of this one 4x3x2 size cabinet where all these were stored, with specific request to him to give to the kids, but he said he didn’t check his email. This cabinet I bought at an Antique store is now forever lost including all its contents.  WHAT PRICE ALL THESE MEMORIES?? HOW TO PRICE ALL THESE MEMORIES?? All my clothing, my purses which were purchased with my own earnings, all given away. Now that I’m here in California my daughter had to collect old clothes & coats from her church where she works to give to me so I have clothing. Not enough to cover summer/winter so I have to either stay home, or do a lot of washing.  All my industrial-sized machines I used to make money on being a seamstress/ tailor which supported my middle income lifestyle, which supported my 2 kids and myself for 9 years being a divorced mother of 2, paid my mortgage with, paid Kaiser medical insurance for the kids and myself with, before I married him- machines costing me thousands of dollars a piece, he gave all away! He didn’t even care for my daughter to get  one when she wanted to save just one.  He looked on as my daughter tried to load it in her vehicle. Of course she couldn’t, it’s that heavy. JUST ONE SHE WANTED TO SAVE FOR HERSELF!! All hauled away by the gardener, according to him. The fact that he looked on and didn’t help- I could not fathom that kind.
He was  in a rush to dispatch of the house here in California so he could be back in the Philippines and together with the other woman on his birthday.  When he sold the house the affair was already on although I still didn’t know.

When he returned home to the Philippines it was my turn to come to the USA to deal with an IRS problem he couldn’t fix. Stayed here for 4 months. Two weeks before I was to return I received the Dear Jane letter- he wanted a divorce, I should maybe rethink coming back!

D- In this 11-hear marriage, even my future Social Security retirement is affected. When we got married I had 2 jobs. Well-paying jobs as Bridal Consultant/ Manager of Services at David’s Bridals, one was Fashions Consultant at JCPenney Mens Dept. He made me quit both, saying that when he came home he wanted to find his wife at home waiting for him. I admired that in him when I heard it so I acquiesced. Why not? It is the job of the man to support his wife. Marriage the old-fashioned way, biblically, and I loved the thought of it. The result was not having a wage for 11 years which contributed to Social Security. In all 11 years, this affected my retirement in a big way. When he cut me off from all monies I was entitled to in a conjugal property marriage- what did I have left? NOTHING but my Social Security earnings!!

E- In this divorce I did not get any court representation. I was left stranded penniless in the Philippines, and even in debt from his electronics purchases on my credit card. This debt remains unpaid to this day and which RUINED MY CREDIT.

In order to survive, I mortgaged the resort property to the tune of 100K Philippine Pesos which to date convert to $2,000 USD only, with the legal agreement that if I’m not able to pay within one year I will forfeit my right of ownership to the mortgage holder without any added monies. All that for food and electricity.

He filed the divorce abruptly, without notice but via email thru his attorney. I believe was underhanded and done with haste so that I cannot come up with a counter. It was held in Maine, a venue I was unfamiliar with. He knew it would be a considerable financial burden to me therefore I wouldn’t be able to attend & participate in.

My rights negated. Meanwhile he emailed the kids a scathing one!! The kids have NOTHING to do with any of these!

This was the first question of “what now..” finalized on Nov 9th, 2016.


The second question is after this destruction that happened on Dec. 3rd, 2019

I received these photos of my home & property in the Philippine island of Mindoro after a typhoon this month, Dec. 2019 called domestically as “Tisoy”. Just as I was planning to go back to the Philippines because I’d be able to survive there easier than here in California. THEN tis devastation happened.


The landfall of this typhoon directed its trajectory to be over Mindoro island in the middle of the Philippine Islands. Typhoons are spawned in the Pacific Ocean. In past occurrences usually the property was sheltered by the mountain range just a thousand meters in back. Not so this time. I am heartened that this is all the damage sustained by my house which is constructed on loose sandy soil about 25 meters away from the edge of water..

The sea wall plus the Porch wall I’m sure protected the house, the double-wide accordion glass door from breaking or being forced to open its flimsy lock by the wind speed loaded with wet sand!  If it opened, nothing inside will have been savable. Windspeed of 120/miles per hour (200km/hour) on landfall sustained for hours, with wet sand blasting on the structure at the same time.. I am so thankful that God directed me to build the way I did- a retaining wall to prevent land erosion on rainy seasons, then a retaining Porch wall which this time broke the windspeed, however it directed it upwards hence the damage to the facia and roof. Without these foresights- I will have nothing!!

I do not know yet the damage inside..

BTW– this house, the return to the Philippines for his future retirement, to live in a house by the beach was his dream, not mine.  I opposed this plan vigorously when we discussed these issues. I did not want to go back to the Philippines. It’s a place I escaped from. I wanted to stay in the US. But he wanted all of these, so again, I acquiesced.

I spent five years of my life building this place carved out of a jungle. He stayed in the US while I sweated under the sun. Somewhere in this website were the kinds of things I did that I never thought in my life I could or would do. I was a Fashionista not a construction woman, yet work it I did.

Who knew that after I built well enough for him to live comfortably in it that this affair would happen? I forecasted parts of this incident with him- that he will have a difficulty adjusting to society there. I told him this clearly.  He did have those difficulties however I overlooked the possibility of an affair to soothe his discord with everything around him. In short he was unhappy with the move, the society which all of it I told him would happen. All his reasons for wanting to live there he forgot.  And I suffered for it. I paid with 5 years it took my life to build it, shuttling from California to Philippines. The sweat, the tears, the aloneness and guilt of being so far away from my 2 teen-age kids- a very vulnerable part in their lives where they needed a mother the most-  and their mother was too far away busy with pleasing an unpleaseable man!!  If I am allowed one regret in life- THIS would be it- that I had to leave my kids (to their father), to please a man!!

I suffered his verbal abuse due to his “underestimating” my advice when I gave it. His words not mine.  The onset of this affair was blamed on me, I was derelict as a wife. I worked too much!! Again, his words.

I was in the USA to face the IRS during an 85K Federal tax issue while he stayed at the resort I built, (he sent me to deal with it & refuse to come with me to California. At this point the affair was already starting but unknown to me still). At this same time with the IRS problem, my son at 20 volunteered & was deploying to Afghanistan. I, his mother felt that I should be there to see him off. Hug him one last time. Because it might be the last time. All of these, this guy failed to realize nor understand.

He flat out told in a confession- that he needed this affair to keep his sanity, to ameliorate his being lost in a society he did not understand, to keep his mind occupied and busy else lose his sanity, “I’ll go crazy”, he declared.

Who would want to live in the same house, sleep in the same bedroom partitioned only with plywood, which he proposed to me, with his other woman? Yes, this was his suggested solution!

So– “what now…?”
I do not know yet…


January 8, 2020

ADD- ON  Who knew there would be a second typhoon to directly hit the island on December 25th? What was salvageable after the first one, was questionable now.

One silver lining about this destruction;  while I was away, I received pictures yesterday, January 7th of a Pastors Retreat held at my property which I gave permission sometime ago but forgot.

January 9th, 2020:

I received a text from my landlord, “move out”. She needed the room. We had an agreement that I will stay until March. She changed her mind. She gave until the 27th of January. Today, January 10th she texted me again- be out by the 17th, her remodelers are coming on that day. By the way– we live together in this same house! 😉
It’s her house so I have no qualms. She had been nice to let me rent this tiny bedroom lower than most for 2 years now so am not complaining.


So really– what now in this adventurous life?

We will see still..